Note: This article was written primarily for parents of teens or young adults, and young adults new to social media. It is a companion article to ones titled “A Practive Approach to the Socials,” and “The Internet Gold Rush.” This may also help those of us who have been engaged in social context online for some time, or those who haven’t yet started their journey.
Questions and Challenges
A recent study published by the Epoch Times focused on the top 10 concerns of parents. 4 of the top 5 included social media influence, excessive device use / screen time, Internet safety, and mental health. These are concerns that are near to us at Practive Security, and why we decided to begin this work.
In public schools and among government spheres of influence, the attention is less on these topics and more on the radicalization of youth facilitated by online social engagements. These concerns are mostly related to extreme political and ideological polarization and focus often on violence prevention.
But I know that parents are also concerned about radicalization of their children through online influencers, as this has been associated with much of the cultural radicalization we have seen in recent years; a shift to more and more extremes including the glorification of gender dysphoria and other forms of mental illness.
Simultaneous to this, I have heard from adults who wonder if it is possible to maintain a healthy balance in life as they engage the digital world, which is one that is designed to influence us and surround us with reinforcing themes that really establish a sort of mirror room. We all know this, we all see it.
Still others I hear from engage the socials in a very cautious manner, hiding behind a mask of personification that they think gives them anonymity. But there is a temptation there to do things we wouldn’t normally do in the real world, and so out comes the trolls that plague the social spaces.
So it is with these issues and questions in mind that we present the following for your consideration.
This will be a longer presentation and will be more philosophical in nature than purely shared through the technical world of cybersecurity. But these are philosophical and moral issues, and at Practive Security, we view online safety as protecting the entirety of who you are.
A Story of Radicalization
A young woman, bored of her life indoors decides to venture outside. While engaged in unsupervised exploration of open lands near her home, she finds a door that is a portal into a new world - a digital world. Accessing it requires putting on a costume that hides her true identity, which she does, to protect herself and to satisfy her curiosity. And so she steps through the door and becomes a curious and lone explorer in a digital space, a newcomer to a strange world.
In this new world, this young lady encounters other characters and places and ideas that are foreign and even contrary to her own. It is all so strange and alien, but also exciting. She is attracted to the oddities for different reasons. One main reason is that in this new place the inhabitants are all happy and seem to have fulfilling lives. She sees it may be possible for her to establish a better form of life, a better identity, than what she has in the real world. All she needs to do is adopt some of the customs and behaviors of the locals. And so she does. And so she plays the part, and the locals notice and affirm her choice. They draw her in and celebrate her.
But each visit is short because she has to return home to the real world where those oddities don’t fit. In that real world, she removes the costume and returns to her normal self which she views as a lesser or lower form of being than what she experienced online. She’s alone. She feels unvalued. This is a dull place. Sure, she has some friends, but they are nothing like the vivid friends and experiences in the digital space.
So each day she returns and increases her time spent in the digital world as her digital self, and increasingly participates in the customs, behaviors, and activities of the virtual inhabitants which seem to become increasingly odd and intense. By doing this, she gains increasing popularity and even becomes the leader of a digital kingdom. Through all this, that new virtual identity becomes in her mind the desired one, the desired state of being, and the virtual space the desired place to be. But she knows she must return to the physical world, and doing so becomes bleak and undesirable. Hated.
And so with each trip home, she carries back behaviors, characteristics, language of the virtual, to make it all last a little longer.
One day, while in the real world, she finds others like her who also bear the same marks of the virtual space and so they begin to live that virtual reality in community but in the real world.
Over time this young lady increasingly lives her virtual identity in both worlds, until one day her virtual self is the only identity that is expressed. The old identity becomes a pain to bear. Even though her original friends and family notice, and ask her to return to normal, she can’t bear it. Normal is less. Normal is pain by contrast.
So she is transformed. The only way to save her, is to sever the tie to the virtual, remind her of the physical, and love her in the real.
Influence
We are all aware of the phenomenon of online social influencers. What started as popular online personalities, like celebrities, is now its profession. It’s a profession that even has products lines dedicated to it including "influencer kits” that contain specifically designed cameras with mounts and microphones. But being influential is also something I think we all pursue. We want to be known, liked, and admired. This is especially true in group settings among peers.
While we might have a tendency to dismiss “influencers” as fad chasers, not all influence is bad and not all influencers behave this way. There are a very many good people doing good work who would probably be described as an influencer. While the name itself may be of the modern age, we have all had those mentors or figures in our life who we have looked to for wisdom and whose wisdom we have put into practice in our own lives. We might not think these heroes and figures from the past were influencers like those today, but indeed both modeled character, formed worldview and influenced behavior.
So I think it is good for us to keep this in mind as we criticize the phenomenon and its impact.
Influence itself is not necessarily bad, and we have good examples from history that we can draw from as “normal.” I mean the normal role of influencers, who they should be, and how we integrate them into our lives. I think those real-world examples should serve as the basis for keeping our current experience in perspective and grounded, because influence can lead to radical transformation.
In the historical sense, influence was both something our parents carefully managed and influencers were typically individuals or communities we have to go find and put some effort into engaging in a transformative way. I’m thinking of extended family, friends, church, and even school. Our parents may have placed us in school, but we had to participate for the educational process to transform us. Same with church.
However, the administrators of social media platforms have designed them to be influential in a forced, subversive, transparent, and transformative way. They intentionally expose us to content via our “feeds” that is a combination of things we like, and things they want us to like. One of their initial goals with exposure is capturing attention and keeping you on the platform. Once captured, the entire experience is designed to watch our interactions and adapt to keep us engaged. There are relational rewards as we grow in likes and followers, and there are financial rewards to be liked and followed. Again, the addiction factor of the social media platforms is well documented.
The radicalization that follows should be no surprise. In fact, it is quite obvious to see when you understand how the platforms work, and it is well documented. Today, social influence spreads and embeds new and emerging ideas throughout our society and the whole world at a pace unprecedented in human history. And the monetization reward or doppamine hit of the influencer from likes are incentives to build or be part of the next viral trend.
This raises the point that via the social media spaces, we have dual roles based on the level of our participation; the influencer, the influenced, or both. In reality, whenever we post, share, like, or comment, we are participating the in the online influence process.
The algorithms that manage what we see are constantly watching our interactions and engagements, and not only deciding what to feed us, but using our behaviors to feed others.
So as we push forward under this hideous strength of progress, we need to be mindful of our role so we can protect ourselves and our children from unwanted influence that can lead to radicalization.
Radicalization
Influence really becomes a problem when it is unwanted in us or in those under our care, and especially so when it leads to radicalization.
Radicalization is essentially the total transformation of what is core. Something that is radically different, is something that is totally unlike our basis of comparison. Think of radicalization as changing the fundamental definition or identity of one thing into another. It is from our core that we understand the world around us, which determines how we interact with it. So a radical change in our core is the equivalent of a substitution or replacement. One who is radicalized ceases to be the original and is now another.
Influence is generally subtle. We see it all the time, especially in teens who are still sorting out their identity and heading into the autonomy of adulthood. They will often incorporate the styles, words, and behaviors of their influencers into their own expression of identity, typically slowly and overtime. They may discard things that don’t belong, and may hold on to ones that they can fit in, or that serve them well in their pressing concerns.
This is a similar pattern we follow in our exploration of the digital world. We start with a small and finite persona that we introduce as a micro version of ourselves, and then we begin to participate with others in that digital space and their influence effects change in us.
Over time, that online persona can be incubated into our dominant/primary story and our physical self can start portraying it in the real world; we see this all the time with the “for the Gram” community. We see teens living that digital world in the physical space.
The danger of radicalization is found when that online persona, under the influence of others, becomes dominant and transformative of our real world self. It is a danger if the forces of influence and our new behaviors are themselves dangerous in relation to our core identity.
But again, this transformation can be a positive one if the influences enrich our real self or lead us to good. Either way, when our digital self becomes dominant, our physical or real self becomes a servant to that digital self and we will find ourselves upside down; inverted.
Acceleration of Radicalization
Studies conducted in the 2015-2016 per-COVID era have shown that online radicalization toward an extreme political or religious ideology can take only 4-6 months after initial exposure. But, a report from the Institute of Digital Media and Child Development, noted that some of the key factors that speed up this radicalization timeframe as well as its success include things like:
Time of exposure
Peer involvement
Social media platform design
In our post COVID world, our children have been pulled into the social media spaces and digital world through the digital transformation of school and a vacuum of personal relationships initially created by lockdowns but also fueled by the allure of the online influencers. As our children spend an increasing amount of time online, with friends, within an re-enforcing ecosystem, then their window of radicalization speeds up.
But it is also peer influence and the structure itself that is also accelerating things, and it also applies to adults. There is an increasing tide of participation that draws us in, just as a current on the beach can pull swimmers out.
To guard against this, we must counter these forces of acceleration; slow them down or escape them altogether. At a minimum that would mean
Reducing our windows of exposure - in time and type
Managing our peers to make sure they are the right ones
Avoiding situations designed to work against us
In practice, maintaining and nurturing our identity in the real world within communities of trust and reinforcement, and also maintaining our genuine self online will help strengthen us so we are resistant to unwanted influence and radicalization. If we prioritize time outside of the spheres of influence, we will also be reinforcing our tether to our true identity.
This also creates opportunities for peers and parents to help us by spotting behavioral changes and guiding us back to our core. This is what we do when our kids bring home a friend who is a “negative influence.” We spot the behavioral change, the new words, the changes in clothes…and we intervene. We need to maintain this good parenting strategy, and we also need to apply it to ourselves and to our peers as adults.
Radicalization can be extremely damaging and difficult to recover from once it takes full effect. Its effects can be life altering, when they involve personal physical manifestations. But they can also be eternally impactful if they wreck our souls or lead to despair that sends the unprepared to the other side. This also happens.
It is good to be guarded and present a limited version of ourselves online, but it should remain genuine and not a curated portrayal - not a secondary persona. There’s a difference between someone else only knowing us in part, versus knowing a facade.
Blind Spots
Failing to Recognize It
We tend to dismiss online radicalization as an issue that only affects lonely and vulnerable people who are groomed into religious or political extremism by a person or group who has malicious intent. This is actually how our public schools and government view radicalization. So if you defer to their guidance, you will be misled.
In fact online radicalization is very common and mainstream - it is the essence of the mental health crisis that is widespread in the West, and it is largely produced via social media platforms and their influencers. It is the reason our culture has changed so dramatically in such a short period of time. I’m sure you can think of at least one example of radicalization, but just think of any modern social behavior that is radically different from the norms of a few years ago.
As Rod Dreher wrote about in his book, Living in Wonder, radicalization can hit very quickly and by surprise. He recalls a story of a young girl who was gifted a smartphone by her parents. This is an extremely common practice as an estimated 93% of US teens have a smartphone. With her phone, she came into contact with peers online who introduced her to ideas that led her to a state of identity crisis. A concept was introduced to her online that planted a seed, and being in the green house that is social media, it grew rapidly and began to choke out the tender roots of that young girl’s real self. This is not a unique story.
As J.D. Haltigan, an expert in Developmental Psychopathology, repeatedly warns us of the “social media incubator role for mental-illness-as-identity psychopathology.” What he is pointing out is the normalization and celebration of mental illness via the socials, is causing many to adopt that mental illness as their core identity in the real world, causing a state of widespread psychosis in our society. In other words, kids are going online, finding mental illness celebrated, and then making themselves crazy to fit in.
So to confront this problem, we need to recognize what it really is and what forms it can take.
Opting-In by Default
In our increasingly digital world, we tend to opt-in by default. We tend to follow the crowd. When it comes to the Internet, we also tend to assume that whoever is creating the platforms and running the accounts has good intent for us and should be naturally trusted. We don’t want to believe the warnings which we discount as conspiracy theories. We want to be in. When 90% of US teens have Smartphones and 63% of US teens aged 13-17 use TikTok, you have to be willing to be the odd one out to not simply join in. You have to be willing to be “left out.” Not many are.
We are also constantly bombarded with requests and incentives to opt-in. “Like us on Facebook,” “follow us on X,” “friend me,” “I’m on WhatsApp,” “join our band,” these are phrases you likely hear everyday. When you buy a new computer or smartphone and visit the app store, some of the most popular and recommended apps include all the social media spaces.
As previously mentioned, our kids are increasingly being pushed into the digital world through school and clubs and by what all their friends are doing.
Many of us also opted in early on and were here before anyone told us of the dangers, and so we continue to invite others to join us.
In either case, our opt-in temptation follows us into the platforms where we also tend to opt-in with our participation. We feel compelled to like, comment, share, subscribe, follow, re-post etc. when we really don’t need to. It’s a default behavior that we have to resist if we are going to narrow our opportunities for influence.
All of this creates the blind spot of normalcy. We rationalize that it’s just what everyone does, so it must be ok. It must not be that bad. And so we don’t look for the dangers because this space is our normal one. We have been in this world so long, we can no longer see just how radical it is.
Opting-Out in Reaction
One full-proof way to defend against influence is non-participation. To simply “opt-out.” That is our firmest recommendation for teens and social media; they need to stay out and be kept out.
While that may be achievable for many, it is also becoming increasingly difficult to maintain in this increasingly digital AI-obsessed world driven by apps and social connections. Also, there is much good to be had through digital and social engagements online. While you may not truly “miss out” on life by opting out of the socials, you may find yourself unable to avoid participation. Especially if you have already engaged.
The answer may not be in detachment, but that the physical world and the virtual world need to be properly integrated where the virtual world is used in service to the physical one, and where we as sojourners in both worlds maintain our genuine, if guarded, self.
Opting-out does also by nature create a blind spot in that we will be unaware of emerging topics and interactions that only happen in the digital world. One example of this is in the role the social media spaces have played in maintaining a connection to the truth in a world of disinformation and distrust in institutions. In the era of COVID, it was almost impossible to find the truth and the socials facilitated the formation of groups where individuals could share knowledge and support each other. This value has repeated numerous times in recent years and political narratives have been orchestrated in collaboration between politicians and traditional media sources. Often, the only path to the truth is from those who can use the socials spaces to bypass volumetric suppression.
Freedom of speech and fighting back against cultural radicalization is said to be the primary reason Elon Musk purchased X and removed much of its information suppressing algorithms and misinformation pushing ads.
So while opting out may save you from unwanted influence, it may also keep you stuck under it.
Separate Worlds
Another blind spot we adopt is that we tend to think of these worlds as separate and distinct, and think what we do in the virtual space cannot affect the physical. It’s easy to dismiss virtual space as “not real,” or “not real life.” But indeed these are connected.
I have heard modern philosophers observe that social media spaces actually tend to be where thoughts emerge, take shape, and spread into the cultural consciousness that very much forms the reality of our world. In a way, the socials are indicators of what is to come. In fact media outlets, politicians, even educators are increasingly turning to social spaces as their first and preferred method of engagement.
When we think of the digital world as totally separate and the social spaces as “not real,” we are also adopting a mindset that our online accounts created for the purpose of social interaction, are a form of new identity by which we play a role. We are in effect, seeding a part of ourselves into a new world. This creates the danger that we may act differently in the digital space that can have numerous consequences both as one who is influenced and as an influencer. We may travel into unsupervised lands, we may drop our defenses, we may misbehave, and we may engage in things we would normally avoid.
Under this mindset of distinction, there is a danger that we will create and operate a second identity.
A New Identity
By thinking the digital world is separate, we tend to present ourselves via our created personas like it’s a second chance at life; an opportunity to be what we desire among a new community that isn’t part of our physical story. We may see it subconsciously as a chance to remake ourselves in a new image, or perhaps as a means to transcend ourselves in a way the physical world does not offer.
As we participate socially, each of these new personas grow in their new world through gathering followers, following influencers, viewing and sharing content etc. That persona can take on a new life of it’s own - with a unique set of behaviors, interests, friends, even social status that is unlike what we have in the real world.
In fact, social media networks are designed to present the digital world in this manner. You can create a digital persona with no visible signs that attribute that persona to your real self. You pick a name and an image to start. From there, you explore and create your digital world. But as you do this, the algorithms are watching and working to influence you in a way that benefits them. They are working to expose you to new content, to suggest new accounts to follow, and they echo back to you what you seem to like so you feel affirmed and incentivized to stay. So it’s not entirely a new identity of your making. Indeed, it may largely not be.
As our online personas participate we are rewarded and reinforced, and so those personas themselves can grow in desire and effect on us.
There are many things we must do to care for our core selves and guard against harmful influence.
Guarding Our Hearts and Minds from Influence
Know where influence comes from
Websites can expose us to content, ideas, and people that run contrary to our core. It’s important to know how to search and navigate the web diligently.
As parents, we need to use content filters and supervise our children’s online experience to keep them safe.
Games and peer gamers can influence us as peers or friends do in real life, but carry with them the fact that they are strangers with no physical world accountability to us.
As parents, we need to involve ourselves in and supervise online gaming if we are going to allow it.
Any form of chat or personal communication with other online personas, especially those that have built-in reward systems - either relationships, popularity/fame, or monetary, can serve as a radicalization chamber.
Social media is the primary place where exposure, influence, and radicalization happens. It is best to keep our children off social media of all kinds entirely, and to do all we can as parents to avoid glorifying it or leading them to desire it.
Individually, we need to learn to guard against unwanted influence and to spot it when it begins to build in effect upon ourselves and our identity.
Know the dangers:
It starts with unwanted or incidental exposure to ideology foreign to our core. Something new we haven’t been aware of, or sometimes something forbidden we’ve been told to stay away from.
Using an online persona that we think of as a role we play can encourage us to think we can engage with and practice the ideology in a compartmentalized way that no one will see and won’t really affect us.
We can know we are at risk of radicalization when our digital personality becomes the one we desire to be known by and primarily participate in.
The effect begins when the online persona influences the real self and behaviors materialize in the physical world.
Radicalization is complete when we adopt the fake persona in the real world as our primary identity OR when we find ourselves maintaining split personalities between the two worlds.
Work to protect yourself and your children:
For Everyone
Stay grounded in the real world in your core identity among family and friends and coworkers. Spend time in your home context and prioritize engagements and activities in the real world. You are valued. You have a story. It is part of a larger context and much of it carried forward from your family. That’s the real you.
Be your genuine self online and do not portray an image or persona that you are not in real life. Think of your social accounts as part of your identity that you are seeding into a new world and always remain genuine; it needs to be a representation of the true you and not a persona that you manage. It is good to be guarded, but the balance is the difference between exposing yourself via layers of depth vs. presenting a misleading image of your true self.
Avoid prolonged engagements in contexts or with online personas that are contrary to your core values. The more time you spend in foreign content, the more it will influence you.
Surround your digital personas with people who know you in the real world. They will be able to “see” your online activity and hold you accountable; passively and actively. We are less tempted to stray when we know we’re being watched.
Know that many of those you are engaging online are people playing roles - their portrayals are a fantasy and are not the real story, least of all the full story of their life. Be careful not to desire what they present or mourn the difference in your life.
Watch for signs that you are adopting behavior or language from your digital identity. Check that behavior against your core values and make sure it is healthy and right and relevant in the real world.
Actively manage the algorithms of the social media platforms. Block accounts you don’t want to see or hear from. Spend extra time and attention on the accounts and personas that you do. Make sure you follow accounts that reinforce your values.
Resist the temptation to participate. You can read a post without liking it or commenting or reposting. It’s ok to just be a passive viewer and resist the temptation to gain attention or be heard. Every time we do participate we are opening ourselves up to further influence and to being used as an influencer.
If you want to explore new topics or content or ideas online, partner with someone in the real world who is invested in you to do so.
For Parents
Teach your children the truth of who they are and that they are loved; show them value and build up the truth of their identity individually and in your home.
Celebrate your family story, your heritage, your beliefs and values. Make them well known and loved.
Foster a culture in your home of open dialog so that your children will ask questions or feel comfortable reporting issues to you.
Surround your children with a reinforcement of your family identity, your values, and your culture. This may include extended family, friends, your church, or others. But manage this diligently. You are creating a primary world of influence around your kids.
If you suspect an influence operating against your values or your child, including from peers or friends, intercept and end it immediately. Explain why and redirect them back into the truth.
Supervise all their online activities through prevention, monitoring, and participation. Never allow children or teens unfiltered access to the Internet. At home, use a web content filter to block access to websites by category or applications by provider.
Never allow children or teens to have a smartphone, tablet, or laptop that is connected to the Internet outside of your direct supervision and under content and access control.
Never allow children or teens to have access to social media, and do all you can to avoid glorifying it in the home. You do not want to draw their attention to social media or create in them a desire to join and participate.
Conclusion
This concludes our summary of this topic. The remainder of this article serves as depth and reinforcement with additional ideas and external references. Use if needed.
